[[fireshamie]] simple innocence of the heart, mind & soul..

Bonnie & Clyde
.29th March.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Go, Chickas~

That's it. Yesterday I have decided and I will do my utmost best to keep to my decision this time. Not will do. Am already doing. And will continue until I've reached my objective.

I've had enough of being that person that I'm not, that person who I've became eversince that fateful day. And I'm not proud of that person. I realised it yesterday, that I am tired of being that person and it is I who can change myself. I'm done being negative, I'm done being pessimistic, and I'm done being petty. Friends have given me advices, their encouragement and support, and most of all, their love. It's high time I listen to them, and listen to my own heart. It is saying it's tired of the melodrama and it has to stop. It crossed my mind that even though things that had happened hurts, I still can take the positive out of the lesson.

It has taken me 5 long months to get to this stage of realisation. Well, anyone can say it's a long period of time and why I have taken such long time, but for me, I'd rather take the harder way to deal with this..It's not easy..That is to take time to wrestle face to face with my demons, fears, anger, hurt, humiliation..Go through my emotions, thoughts and feelings and sort them out slowly..Though the journey is hard, I know that one day I'm gonna get out of that dark tunnel alive and I'll not regret the way I came from cuz I'll be a much stronger person..

I know that albeit my decision, I might still fall back to how I had been the last 5 months..But this time, I know I will be able to pull myself out of that quick sand and not let myself drown anymore..Not anymore..I wanna become the person who I was before, only better..

I will start with the little things that matters, which I had just let it slide..I will do things slow, but surely..I have my plan in mind, and I'm gonna set it in motion..I am aware that things might not turn out great, or according to plan, but I know I will be happy with it..I also know that the journey to where I wanna be, who I wanna be & how I wanna be might not be smooth sailing, but I'm gonna hurdle through..

I've already begun my journey..It's not that hard actually, and the best part is, it's not that bad..Actually, it's awesome!! Hehe..

And I anticipate to know what's gonna happen next =)
I know I'd rather have nice surprises, but life's not always daylight you know..

P.S. to my friends:
Thanks for being there for me guys. And I apologise for being such a pissy-ass =P..
Love ya'all!! ==))

P.p.S to f'nana:
Thanks for those words of advice you've given me long time back.
I didn't know it then, but I guess you're right.
Thanks for putting up with my bratty-pissy-ass-ness and I apologise for being such a pain.
Thanks for understanding my situation.
I'll change, for the better, for myself and those I love.
Don't expect too much yet. I'm only starting.
I might slip back to how I was, but I'll definitely pull myself out even though it might be hard.
Still.....No one can tell me to change unless I want to ==PPP ..Hehe..
Love ya beb!! ==))

P.p.P.s to my girls who are in the same emotional boat as I am:
Dun worry ladies..We women are born natural with emotions and are strong emotionally..
We gonna survive and make thru life..
\Yeah/

Chickas rule! =)
Boys drool? Not so..Some..=P

[[ ßǒŃńįè MǻЯΐä ŔōŜě ]]
contemplating the meaning @ 9:17 AM

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