[[fireshamie]] simple innocence of the heart, mind & soul..

Bonnie & Clyde
.29th March.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Dream away everyday
Try so hard to disregard
The rhythm of the rain that drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart

the past few days have been a hell of a turmoil of emotions for me..

i shall not be blabbering about it anywhere..
or to anyone for that matter..

i'm sorry to my friends..
it's just me & my problems this time..
for me to know..for no one else to, except for those involved..
i aint gonna get any1 else involved in my trumas..

dYmE!

ahax..

i just wish, i cud turn back tym..
but na..
it'll nvr happen..

i initially tot of the negative things..but my heart wasnt into it..
being suicidal, or doing negative things have somehow been taken off the list for me..
only i know the meaning of "taken off the list"..
i shall not divuldge in that matter..

now i shall just concentrate on the things i've been wanting to do..
perhaps ada hikmah di sebalik ape yg berlaku..

nevertheless..
there'll nvr be a day that pass by that i wont be thinking of this..
nor will there be a day that pass by with me regretting what has happened..

it always takes two to tango..
thus,
even if i blame myself totally when i'm in my self-pathetic mode,
i'll always know that it wasnt only me at fault..
i react to how people treat me..
and so does pple to me..

guess i overeacted..and pple overeacted..

it'll take tym for me..
it'll be hard on me..

but i move on..
no matter how hard things gets..

i always do..

i nvr had help frm any1 in the past..
not directly tho..
& i'm not asking for any now..
not help, neither pity..

i had always wanted for someone to understand me totally..
i had almost given up..
i found someone i thought can understand me totally..
or so i thought..
perhaps there might still be hope,insyaallah..
but i shall hope for no more..
this is where it ends,
for me to want to find someone who can understand me fully..
cuz i realise..
it's just another of my fantasy-filled dreams..

i shall not be running after those dreams any longer..
i'll go with the ones i can catch up with..
and i'm closer to one of it..
insyaallah i'll get to it.. ==))

k k..masok filter lane..side corner jap..
My TP is coming up soon!
ahax..akhirnye my dreams is about to come true!
insyaallah!!
yes la! now looking ard for to realise my other dreams!
then i can zoom zoom ard!
ahax..

had my RR just now..went 70..lol..
was too concentrating on the meter..was determined to get the feel of 70 cuz i nvr had..
then when i suddenly down gear, the bike wobbled tremendously dangerously cuz i was thinking abt alot of nonsense like the meter & going 70..
lol..
lucky i could handle that, alhamdulillah..
it was a near miss, kena talk by the instructors of course..
they were surprisingly nice or nice to me today..
i dunno ley..my opinions..lol..

hopefully this RR'll get me prepared for my TP..
damn nervous sak!
but insyaallah i'll pass! ahax..
and..also..i hope i can clear one thing before i do..
only a person can fulfill that, dgn izan Allah..
but it's ok if i dun get to..
maybe ade hikmah disebalik..
hikmahs are never meant for us to know abt anyways..
so i shall not think much abt it..

ok, i digress..right turn back to the main road..
zoom! back to the main topic..

ok, so what's d main topic? lol..i dunno..whatever i feel like typing out..lol..
at least it'll get it off my mind & let me deal w these things better..
blogging had always done that for me..
& so does writing in journals & diaries..
lol, been a long tym since i wrote in journals & diaries..

haix..

kepada seorang insan..
what i've told you i'll do, what you've known, will be what i'll do..
i'll keep to my words, as far as i can try..
i'll do my best not to be like people who don't stick to their own words & promises..
i'll try my best not to be a hypocryte..

i just wish for one more day..i hope u can fulfill that wish, for one last time..
i just wish for a sweet goodbye..cuz it's appropriate to what started out as a sweet hello..
i'd rather like it if it ends well, it ends good..
i dun want this to end like all the other past experiences for me before..
& i think so was yours..
but not this time, dear..
this time, it'd be goodbyes on good terms..
at least it'll be pleasant for both of us..

thanks for all you've given me..
thanks for this lesson you've taught me, the good & the bad..

i'll never be able to hate you, or anyone..
cuz even if violence path my ways, hate is not my nature..
hate might be your way of life, but it'll never be mine..

what i tell you will always be true, unless god fated it to be other wise..
no matter how hard this is for me, i will still be able to move on w/o u..

I will always love you..
you'll always be my dear KK..
& i'll always be ur BP..

-sincerely..Sha..

I struggle to live life..

I learn from past mistakes..
I learn to forgive but not forget..
I learn that to care is to pain..
I learn to smile w/o tears..
I learn that life goes on..
I learn to move on..

I'm still learning how to void emotions from the heart though..

Fly high & get shot down..
Crash & hit hard on the ground..
Get up to continue the vicious cycle..
Yet again, she flies alone..

Dari pandang pertama..Hingga selamanya..
Walau payah menerima hakikat, akan ku terima ini semua dengan keihslasan hati..
Akan ku simpan segalanya & tabah menghadapi..
Terima kasih kerana mengajarku apa itu namanya cinta..

PS: to that kid, Hatedogs..Live ur life, honey..it's not worth it you spend ur hate anywhere around..u'll never win..u only win it with ur self..

start realising that life's got more meaning to it then this..start looking ard for something more solid..if u wanna go & tag pple's blog w crap, go ahead..you have ur opinions, i have mine & so does others..

Respect & you'll be respected. I respect that you are not happy w whoever, but you didn't respect others with words, thus, i cant bring myself to respect you..unless there is change in urself that only u knows & what others can see, no one will respect you for life, this i swear to Allah..

go ahead & tag my tag board with your words, hate words, bull crap, or whatever words you wanna use..see if i care much..your comment is what i can respect..but i'll never respect it with true respect..cuz respect is earned, not given..

learn to love urself first, before others can learn to love u..

[[ ßǒŃńįè MǻЯΐä ŔōŜě ]]
contemplating the meaning @ 1:12 AM

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